On Milestones and my Last Baby

When his little gummy smile started sprouting his first teeth, I was thrilled and emotional at the same time. This was the last gummy smile I would call mine. First teeth smiles are just as cute. But it meant leaving behind a small part of babyhood that I'd never get back.

When he learned to push up on all fours, and hoist into a sitting position, I beamed with pride from behind my camera. I wanted to be sure to capture that moment, as I knew it would be another last "first" I would experience as a mom.

Just last week we ran out of formula. With less than 2 weeks until his birthday, we went ahead and made the switch to whole milk, and from bottle to sippy cup. This transition has really been a hard one. Not so much for him, but for me. I will never buy another container of formula again! I will never scramble to fill a dispenser with the right number of scoops and have to pack a leaky bottle in the diaper bag! My wallet will be happy to eliminate that expense, but my heart, I will admit, is a little sad. Our night time routine of rocking him to sleep as he sucked on a bottle in my arms will no longer be. Sure I can still rock him, but he's a little less "baby" and a little more "big".

I realize that it's part growing up, part letting go. Knowing this is my last baby - that these moments will be some of the last "firsts" I will ever experience - my emotions have been bubbling up to the surface with each milestone.

There are so many more "firsts" I will get to watch. Not only with Nolan but with each of my kids as they grow and learn. So I have to focus on the present. Not dwell on leaving things in the past. But it is definitely harder to do that with a last baby. I will try my best. But if you see me tear up when Nolan starts to walk or says his first word, just know that those are bittersweet moments for me. I'll want a high-five...and a hug.