On Having a "Special Needs" Brother: A Letter to My Boys

Dear Ethan - my sweet first born child,

Being just 11 months older than Aiden, I knew your bond would be tight, but I'll admit that I often worried how his physical differences would affect your relationship. Would you feel embarrassed by him if people made comments in public? Would you stick up for him? Would you begin to resent the attention he gets - both socially and medically? Your daddy and I tossed and turned at night for many months wishing we knew what the future held. And you know what, 5 years have gone by and have proven that we have absolutely nothing to worry about.

We have tried to instill a strong sense of character in you from a young age, teaching you right from wrong, how to be a good friend, what to say to people who stare or say things that aren't very nice.

But, I do believe that God beat us to it. He knew what he was doing when he gave us you - he gave us the perfect big brother for Aiden. This role was made for you. And we all get to reap the benefits.

Aiden is confident. Content. Happy. A normal, fun-loving kid. You know who he learned it from? YOU! By loving him unconditionally, without reservation, you have given him a priceless gift.

He knows he has his big brother in his corner. Whatever life throws at him, he takes his cues from you. So the kid who called him a name on the bus? It didn't bother him too much because you handled it like a pro and made it seem as if it wasn't the end of the world. Sometimes I feel as if you are wise beyond your years. Your loving and gentle soul will leave a mark on this world. I'm so very happy Aiden has someone like you to look up to. Can't wait to watch your brotherly bond ebb and flow through the years.

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Dear Hudson - my little ball of energy,

You came into this world already having 2 of the best gifts there can be...brothers. With such an age gap, I worried you might feel left out, but your brothers absolutely adored you from day 1. They want to play with you, tackle you, chase you, read to you - and you certainly eat up all the attention. You are gonna be one tough cookie with all the beating-up they (un)intentionally do on you! I have to remind them you are just a toddler and not a big boy like them...yet.

The circumstances surrounding your brother Aiden's birth were engraved in our heart, making it hard not to worry when you were growing in my belly. But on the day you were born, you brought a light into mommy and daddy's lives. We exhaled, and cried out, and thanked God for giving us YOU.

As you grow, you will always know Aiden as your big brother - nothing more, nothing less. However you might also begin to have questions about his differences, and that's okay. Daddy and I have lots of pictures to show you how God made Aiden so very special and we can't wait to share his story with you. It's quite an amazing journey I tell ya! We know you will be so very proud to have a brother as tough and brave as Aiden!

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As a mom of all boys, I am often asked if I wish I had a girl. I just laugh and say "God knew I was supposed to be a boy-mom!" And I firmly believe that is true. I have a tremendous opportunity before me - to raise 4 boys into strong, capable, generous young men...and I take my job very seriously. I am in awe of each of my children. Getting to know your souls fulfills me in ways I never knew possible before becoming a mother. This road we are on as a family is the road we were meant for. I pray that each of you understand just how special your journey is.

As individuals. As brothers.

I always hesitate to label Aiden as having "special needs". Sure he will require extra medical care over the years. You will watch him physically transform from one surgery to the next. He might go to the hospital or doctor more than others you know. But when it comes down to it, doesn't every child have needs that are "special"?

Instead, I hope that you always see beyond Aiden's differences and continue to accept him as one of God's unique creations, just like everyone else.

Furthermore, I pray that having Aiden for a brother will enrich your lives as much as it has mine.

Love you my sweets,
Mommy

Holiday Gift Guide: Toys for Boys

Pregnancy Update: 26 weeks!

It's been almost 3 weeks since I have been on bedrest - 1 week at the hospital and the rest of the time at home. I have had weekly doctors appointments to make sure things are still going smoothly and so far so good. With all of the shots, ultrasounds, medicines and measurements I am feeling very confident that baby Nolan is staying put for the time being. There are no indications of impending preterm labor and I've had no other symptoms of a placental abruption. All great news.

In fact things have been going so good that at my appointment last week I asked the doctor if he thought I might get out of bed rest. Without hesitation he said no, reminding me that things are probably going so well because I have been off my feet and in bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess he has a point. However he said he would be willing to discuss again once I make it to the 30 week point.

The good news is that once I make it to 28 weeks I can safely deliver at the local hospital that is just 5 minutes from my parents house. Up to that point if I begin having contractions or any  more bleeding I will need to go 35 minutes north to a hospital with a level 4 NICU. So, I'm looking forward to hitting that mark, especially as winter weather looms ahead.

I have been keeping busy working on that long list of things I had kept putting off for another day. That list was pretty long as the current and immediate needs of caring for 3 kids tended to push many things down to the bottom of the totem pole. It has been really nice to dig into some of these neglected projects and definitely helps me feel as if I'm accomplishing something (even when my feet may not hit the floor more than 1x/day).

Some of the things I've been tackling:

• apertOWL - if you haven't heard, a friend and I are starting a non-profit organization to provide positive resources for individuals touched by Apert syndrome. It has been quite the undertaking, especially when both myself, and my partner Kerry Lynch have been pregnant/had babies this year and now have 5 kids 6 and under between us. While it has been a slow-moving process, we are as dedicated as ever and will be rolling out the finished website in the very near future. In the meantime, I'd love it if you would like apertOWL on Facebook, follow us on Twitter and check out our boards on Pinterest!


• Speaking of Pinterest, I have spent oodles of hours pinning, organizing, cleaning up and editing my personal Pinterest boards. In the next week or so I am going to do a blog post on all of the "things I've actually tried" (which much to my surprise is a LOT!) and share how each turned out, how difficult it was and whether I would recommend others try it out too. Stay tuned!


• Christmas shopping! All of which has been done online. I signed up for Amazon Prime a few weeks ago and have gotten free shipping on ALL of my kids gifts. Most are guaranteed to arrive within 2 days too! I have really enjoyed doing all of my shopping on a single site (Amazon compares prices on products across numerous online sellers) and it also seems to have the most product reviews which I consult before buying ANYTHING. But the best part of using Amazon.com has been the "Wish List" feature - I was able to scope out all the things I think each kid would like, add it to their own list, and discuss it all with my husband before making the purchase. Plus, you can share Wish Lists with friends and family members who need ideas too. Even though I do enjoy the hustle and bustle of holiday shopping with my husband every year, being on bed rest has forced me to adjust our plan. And honestly, I know I will continue to shop online all year long! (Be on the look out for my "Best Toys for Boys" holiday shopping guide blog post in the next few days)


• Organizing - I'm the type of person who lives by the motto "A place for everything and everything in its place". However with 3 young kiddos, that task is often impossible to accomplish. Things might start out in their designated place, but pieces go missing, get put away incorrectly, etc.  When it comes to my own clutter I often get behind while trying to keep up with all the kids stuff. So I took this opportunity to get myself organized. I have filed that ominous ever-growing stack of paper, sorted through and deleted dozens of random pictures housed on my computer, cleaned up my digital documents, backed up the important stuff and organized my iTunes files. And boy does it feel good! Now if I could keep up with it instead of it becoming a huge undertaking that requires hours of time...

Hospital Bed Rest: Day 5

It's been a rough day emotionally. I'm almost through my 7 days of hospital bed rest and while I should be extremely happy that all has been going well and that I've made it to 24 weeks, the doctor hit me with a wallop this morning that I wasn't prepared to hear.

Originally, the plan for the immediate future was to go home Wednesday and remain on bed rest there for 2 weeks. However today the doctor said she recommends it last the duration of my pregnancy :(

Believe me, I know that every day this baby has to grow before being born is most important. So I am trying my best to focus on that and will do what I need to do. But that's not to say that this hasn't started to wear on my emotions.

I have 3 kids who are being well taken care of by my parents and who have barely skipped a beat with all these changes from their norm - the move, daddy not living with us, mommy being pregnant and now, in the hospital. They are nothing short of amazing. I am so grateful to have such flexible kiddos who adapt to challenges with ease. However sometimes the guilt overcomes me. Not being there to pack their lunch, put them to bed, make sure their homework is done. Not tucking them in, getting them off the bus or taking them to basketball practice. As their mom, that was my job. My priority. Yes, I had help when needed but knowing someone else - multiple people even - have to arrange their own every day schedules to accommodate for the things I am unable to do is sometimes hard to accept.

And then I start to think of all that I will miss out on these next few months while I'm laid up in bed. Celebrating birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas. Ethan's first basketball game, the majority of his first year of Scout activities. Even all the ordinary things that I'd be doing any given day - the boys bath time, taking them to the park (or out to eat or to the mall), running errands, organizing my life.

It's easy to start feeling down about it all, especially this time of year. But I'll manage. After all, it's only temporary...and most importantly it is needed to ensure the health of the new little gift that is meant for our family. Whatever sacrifices I have to make to get him here safely will be so very worth it.

So on that note I will stop feeling sorry for myself, put a smile on my face, and...take a nap.

PS - thanks mom for adjusting your life to handle mine. I know you wouldn't have it any other way but I just want you to know how much I appreciate all you do! Bet you thought you were finished raising 3 kids didn't you? Now you get to do it all over again with mine ;)

My top 10 pregnancy must-haves

While I am no Mrs. Duggar, with this being my fourth go-round at this pregnancy thing, some might call me an "expert" on the subject. Through each experience there are some staples that have made their appearance every time so I thought I would share.

(1) Vitafusion PreNatal Vitamins   |  (2) Bubba Keg 34oz. Travel Mug    |   (3) Breathe Right Strips  (4) Liz Lange Maternity Tanks   |   (5) Barf Bags   |   (6) Tunic style tops (7) Motherhood Maternity Secret Belly Leggings   |   (8) Leachco Snoogle Pregnancy Pillow (9) Comfortable Maternity Underwear   |   (10) Carmex Lip Balm

1. Prenatal vitamins
This is an every day must. You should actually start taking prenatal vitamins well before you become pregnant. There are a million different kinds to choose from, including a gummy kind from VitaFusion that had always been my favorite. BUT - did you know that gummy vitamins do not contain iron? I learned that when I became anemic while pregnant. I couldn't understand how that would happen because I was taking my vitamins every day. Then I remembered that prior to one of Aiden's surgeries, the doctor told me to start giving him Flintstones chewable vitamins instead of his normal gummy kind...because they didn't have iron. Sure enough I checked the bottle on my prenatals and it lacked that important nutrient. At that point I needed to switch to a prescription prenatal vitamin called CitraNatal that has added iron, which is what I currently take and have no complaints.

2. An insulated water jug
Everyone knows that your water intake should drastically increase during pregnancy. Some might find it difficult, especially if you typically get your liquid fill from coffee, tea and/or soda. I have found that if you keep a large, ice cold water jug nearby, you will constantly sip on it and before you know it will need a refill. I have this Bubba Keg version which I love because it is insulated and fits in the cup holder of my car. I take it with me everywhere!

3. Breathe Right strips
When pregnant, my nose tends to stay stuffy and swollen feeling around the clock. During the day, when I'm upright, it doesn't bother me too much. But when my head hits the pillow I swear my nasal passages close off completely. I tried Breathe Right strips and OH MY GOODNESS they work like a charm! I now sleep like a baby (and scare my kids every morning when they see it still on my nose) :)

4. Liz Lange cotton maternity tanks
I bought all kinds of "long" tank tops when I first got pregnant with Ethan. Almost seven years later, these maternity tanks from Liz Lange still fill my drawer. They are just the right amount of soft and stretchy and the length is perfect for covering a bump big or small. They are thick enough that you can wear them under an open shrug or sweatshirt without being see-through. I love them so much I wear them all the time even when I'm not pregnant. They're great for layering! Luckily, they must be one of the lines best sellers because they still carry them at Target to this day. I've nabbed one in almost every color they make - and there are even some really cute stripe ones too.

5. Barf bags
Let's face it, if you go through pregnancy without needing to barf at one point or another you are indeed a lucky one. For me, riding in airplanes and cars was the worst. I flew at the beginning of this pregnancy and spent the entire flight with my face stuck inside their little barf bags. They were so convenient that I decided to ask the flight attendant for a few extra just in case and I stuck them in the inside pocket of my car door. They are the perfect size for on the go! If you can't snag some from someone who is traveling by air, then just be sure to be prepared with something. Throwing up in your kids empty Chik-fil-a sack isn't fun, but it's better than nothing!

6. Long tunic-style tops
I've always loved wearing my shirts a little longer so that they sit just at my hips. For me, I feel like it goes best with my body proportions. So because I already had some of these long tunic-style tops in my closet, I was able to continue to wear them while pregnant, making the transition into maternity wear much easier (and cheaper!) And pairing these long tops with comfy leggings is my go-to style choice...see below for my favorite pair.

7. Motherhood Maternity Secret Belly leggings
Now it will depend on if you have an "over the belly" or "low rise" maternity pants preference, but for me I'm an "over the belly" girl all the way. I generally think they are more comfortable that way and the extra material helps to smooth things out - especially if you have a belly button that sticks out when pregnant like I do :) These leggings come in capri-length for spring/summer mamas and the long ones are great for wearing with tall boots in fall/winter. I've got a pair in just about every color they make - light gray, dark gray, black, and navy. And I should mention I've tried several different maternity legging brands but always choose these in the end.

8. A body pillow
When I first got pregnant with Ethan my sister gave me her Snoogle pregnancy pillow to borrow. I thought it was a little strange looking and wasn't sure I'd ever use it. It took up a lot of space in our king size bed, often making the sleeping arrangements a bit awkward so I'd dump it on the floor halfway through the night. But then, suddenly, I couldn't sleep without it. Having the "C" shaped pillow to curl my body around was so comfortable. When I got pregnant for the 2nd time, my sister was as well so I had to give it back to her and splurge on my own. At around $60 a pop, it wasn't cheap. But still, so worth it. If you don't want to spend that kind of money, just head to Wal-Mart and buy a long body pillow for around $10. It isn't quite the same but if positioned just right can be quite comfy too.

9. Comfortable maternity underwear
No brainer, right? I wrongly assumed that I could continue to wear the underwear I already owned throughout my entire pregnancy. Much to my surprise, it wasn't just my belly that got bigger as baby grew. My butt, thighs and hips changed as well - making my regular undies really uncomfortable. I swallowed my pride and purchased underwear in a size I'd never had to buy before. And you know what? They are STILL some of the most comfortable underwear I have to this day. PS - I don't recommend wearing maternity underwear on date night...even if they're cute, it doesn't exactly scream sexy if you know what I mean ;)

10. Carmex lip gloss
Finally, I highly recommend stocking up on your favorite lip gloss / chapstick. Remember how I mentioned the breathing difficulties in number 3? Well even with the Breathe Right strips you are gonna want to keep your lips slathered in lip balm. Especially if you are pregnant in the winter time when your skin generally tends to dry out anyway. The soothing tingle of Carmex makes it my top pick.

So there you have it. The top 10 things I couldn't live without while pregnant. Do you have a must-have that you want to share? Leave a comment below!

* No portion of this post was sponsored by any of the products/brands listed. I am simply sharing my go-to pregnancy picks! However there are affiliate links included in this post.

How to Start a Blog

When I started this blog back in 2008 after Aiden was born, I loved having the ability to sit down at the computer and document the things that were going on our life at the time. I did a google search for an online journal and went from there, choosing Blogger because of it's simple user interface. Having zero html experience (other than the few simple commands I learned in a computer programming elective in college), I knew I wanted something that gave me a lot of freedom to edit my little creative space without needing a lot of the how-to knowledge for coding.

I began with a very generic template, adding a few personal touches along the way when I had time. I used PowerPoint to mock up headers with our family's pictures and wordart titles and aside from tweaking the color scheme here and there, that was about the extent of my customization of More Skees Please. After all, the only people who ever saw this site were my immediate family members (well, some of them anyway...I still don't think my dad ever reads my blog).

For awhile my site was private - where you needed to be added to an approved list to access the link. I was a bit overwhelmed by the world wide web and wasn't so comfortable putting my life "out there" to just anybody. But then, I realized that family members were really interested in the information about Aiden's care and most were finding our positive approach to our journey really inspiring - and I knew that I might possibly benefit other family's going through the same thing, however rare it was. I flipped the switch to public and the rest is history!

Never would I have imagined that over the last 5 years I would be contacted by family's from around the world - some who have been touched by Apert syndrome themselves, others who happened across our story and have continued to follow along and still more who have no connection to the special needs world at all and simply say they like my writing. I've made lasting connections. I've raised awareness. I've developed a platform to advocate for my kids. And I've been able to do all of that by sharing my personal life with anyone who might be interested in reading. Some might think I'm crazy, but this experience has been and continues to be so very rewarding!

Many people have asked me through the years how to go about starting a blog of their own. So I'd like to give a few practical tips on the subject. Keep in mind, you can always google "how to start a blog" and find hundreds of sites with a much more detailed road map for carving out your own little online space. This is just the basics - and from someone who has pretty much taught myself from day one (in other words, NOT a professional by any means).


1. Figure out your blog's purpose
Before getting started, the first step should be to ask yourself some basic questions. Do you have a particular niche (crafting, cooking, fitness, etc.)? Are you looking to monetize your blog with advertising/sponsors or do you simply want it to be a place to jot your thoughts? What kind of audience do you want to have - family and friends, the general public, or do you want it to remain completely private. Knowing these things ahead of time will help you determine which blogging platform you may want to choose, what security settings you will need to set up (if any) and just how much you are willing to share.

2. Choose your blogging platform
There are many options for free online blogs out there. I encourage you to click on each of the below and check out what they have to offer. I chose Blogger from the get-go because, as I said before, it seemed very simple to use without having to know a lot of html programming. I could drag and drop, edit my layout and upload photos very easily. The text editing is very similar to what I'm used to in Microsoft Word. There are also a lot of options for personalizing the look with templates, backgrounds and more. Throughout the years I have attempted to switch my blog over to a different platform, like WordPress, but I always end up right back here on Blogger. It's just a matter of personal preference so you'll want to play around with each of the options to see what you're most comfortable with.
FYI-- there are some paid versions of blog platforms that allow you more options such as built in hosting, more advertising capabilities, tracking, etc. but I chose a free site.Visit this article from Lifehacker if you want more info about each of the above.

3. Pick a name for your blog
Depending on your blog's purpose, you will want to choose a blog name that you can live with for a long time. Once you decide on something, you won't want to change it - especially if you plan on making your blog public and trying to build an audience. I started out with www.theskeesfamily.com because my goal was to write solely about...well, our family. And it was only for family as well. I purchased the custom domain name (I used Go Daddy) which allows you to "own" the website url. Otherwise, Blogger gives you a default name like www.theskeesfamily.blogspot.com. Once I began to broaden my writing focus - and my audience - I made the decision to come up with a more catchy blog title which meant having to buy a different domain name to match. That's when I went forward with www.moreskeesplease.com and have stuck with that ever since.

4. Decide on design elements
Once you have established a blog on one of the available platforms, you can dive write in to writing, or you can begin to add your own personal design touches (which I think is the fun part!) On Blogger you can pick a pre-made template or a more basic one that will allow you to customize it to your liking. I started out with a pre-made template because I dove right into the writing. But as time went on and I wanted to make it more my own, I switched to the more basic one and even uploaded custom elements by searching the web for "Blogger templates". You'll find there are hundreds of sites that offer step-by-step instructions to utilize some really cute free template designs.

5. Write, write, write
You should be all set! Click on "new post" (or whatever verbiage is used on the platform you chose) and write away. Hitting PUBLISH for the first time is exhilarating.

6. Share your stuff
Depending on how you want to grow your blog, and who you want reading it, there are various ways to share what you've just published if you should choose to do so. In Blogger, there is a "share" link from your list of published posts, but you need a Google+ account to utilize it so I never have. You can always copy and paste the link to your blog or the specific url to the new post (when in "view" mode) and include it in an email, post it to Facebook, etc. There are also services that can automatically share new blog posts across chosen social media platforms like Twitter, Facebook, etc. when published (Networked Blogs is one I have used). Of course if you don't want to share what you write, and want it to be for your eyes only, be sure to edit the privacy settings accordingly.

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That's it in a nutshell! In 6 easy steps you can be on your way to creating a personalized space online to document any and all the goings on in your life. There is so much more that I could talk about on this subject like: how to create sidebar images for categories, how to link social media within your blog (the "like" box for Facebook and follow buttons for Twitter, Pinterest, etc.), how to create a custom header, and adding widgets such as the "You Might Also Like" one I have at the bottom of my posts. Maybe someday I'll write some tutorials - but in the meantime, do what I did and just Google it!

I'm always interested in reading new blogs so if you feel so inclined, feel free to share your link in a comment below and I'll check it out!

I'm officially in print!

My previously posted blog from Cincy Parent magazine online can officially be found IN PRINT on (free) newstands everywhere. Well, in and around Cincinnati, Dayton and Indianapolis anyway.

Don't live near any of those cities? Have no fear! You can click below to see how it looks in the online version of the magazine.

{The article can be found by scrolling to page 21}

Hospital Bed Rest: Day 2

It's amazing how tired you can get when you have to stay in bed all day. You'd think I'd feel well-rested and raring to go but I'm actually not. Perhaps it's the result of being deliriously bored.