Dear Ethan and Aiden:

You see, I worried that our summer - the last as a family of 4 - was going to be ruined by my inability to get around. I felt guilty that my absence from fun outings would leave you upset or cause you to resent me being pregnant.

So far, that has not been the case. And this, boys, has helped me keep it all together.

Although the days at home with mommy resting in the other room are sometimes boring, you keep yourselves occupied with little assistance from me. Coloring books, tape, accessible snacks and knowing how to use the remote control...all of these things have been my saving graces. Sure you might have too much sugar and too much tv. But this summer? I'll let it slide. You deserve it.

During this time, you have also bonded in a way that has surprised me. I sometimes mute the tv in my room just to listen to your imaginations collaborating - the superhero skits, the singing and dancing, the tender moments where you are behaving like every mother hopes and prays that brothers will.

And Ethan, my sweet and compassionate oldest boy - your maturity even at 5 fills my heart to the brim. You are a born nurturer, always asking what you can do to help. 

"Can I get you some water? 

How are you feeling? 

How about I snuggle with you for a bit?"

You're mommy's big helper. My sure smile on the days I'm feeling down. My bright spot.

Aiden, the excitement you have for the impending arrival of the baby that will make you a big brother is what has brought so much joy this time around. You and Ethan were so close in age that I didn't get to experience the sibling anticipation in the way one imagines. Sure, Ethan was excited, but still a baby himself, he didn't really know. The way you both know now.

You kiss my tummy countless times throughout the day and say the sweetest things to Hudson. 

"I can't wait to see you Hudson.

I love you baby brother.

I hope you are okay in there."

You are anxious to start your new role as big brother, already taking it very seriously. When I ask you how you are going to help when Hudson is here you eagerly respond with the many big brother tasks once would expect - feeding him, playing with him, sharing your toys. 

I melt.

So even though I haven't been able to do as much as I'd like to, perhaps I have underestimated the gift that doing a little less can sometimes be. A little more freedom, a little less structure...you are finding your way just fine and growing up so quickly.

While I often get weepy thinking about just how much our family dynamic is going to change in a few short weeks, I am so excited to start this next chapter as a family. Some days it seems the pages turn a little slower than others but I'm careful not to wish this time away.

Just daddy, me, the two of you. It's been an amazing 5 years and if it's any indication of what's ahead I am incredibly blessed. There will just be one more little boy along for the ride :)

Love always,

Mommy