How time flies

Isn't it strange how the days go by so slow, but the years seem to fly by in an instant? The daily mundane activities of wiping snotty noses, doing laundry and cleaning the house make each day seem to last an eternity. Then at the same time I wonder how I got to where I am so fast - married, 2 kids, staying at home - all the things I dreamed about doing when I was little are now my reality. I'm finally at the place I want to be in my life.

Having kids puts the whole passage of time thing into perspective way more than ever before. My oldest, Ethan, was fussing after we put him to bed the other night - something he rarely does. He had a little cold (or "the miseries" as my family often says) and he just wanted me to hold him. Rocking my 27 lb. almost 17 month old in the chair, he pointed at the frame on the wall with a photo of him and the words 'Baby's First Smile' and proclaimed "Dee-dee" (what he calls Aiden). "No," I said. "That's you, that's Ethan when you were a baby". He smiled and layed his head back down in the crook of my arm, completely unaware of the tears that immediately welled up in my eyes. I remembered rocking that small little Ethan in the same chair just months earlier. I remembered wishing he would stay small forever so that I could stare into his eyes as he drank his bottle. I remembered the feeling of knowing that one day I would look at him and marvel at how big he was getting. And I cried, feeling that feeling for the first time.

Sometimes I don't realize just how fast he's growing until I go to change him at night. A few weeks ago, I pulled out the same old feety pajamas from his drawer and he giggled as I tried to stuff his foot into the hole. "He just wore these the other night" I found myself saying out loud. But as the zipper stopped half way up, I knew it was hopeless. Another pair of jammies into the bin tucked away in the corner of his closet, reserved for the clothes he's outgrown. A bin that is packed all the way to the top now. How can it be? I rifle through and pull out an outfit that he wore for his pictures just 2 months ago. Too small. My boy is just too big. Too fast.

My husband must've thought I was crazy that night. I came downstairs after being in a wonderful mood just 10 minutes prior, and burst into tears. "I can't believe Ethan is so big. He's not our little baby anymore" I sob. He agreed, but assured me that although Ethan is growing up so fast, he still needs us just the same. "And besides," he says, "Aiden is that little baby that Ethan once was." This just makes me cry harder, thinking to the day when we are through having children, and we no longer have a little one to rock in our arms. I've got to figure out how to hit the pause button. How can I stop time so that I can keep my babies in the same little jammies that they're in now. So that I can rock them in the rocking chairs in their nurseries. So that I can scoop them up and hold them without any effort at all.

I know that one day years from now I will think back to this crazy time with two boys under 2 and be glad that I no longer have to change poopy diapers or watch Baby Einstein over and over...and over. But I just hope that I can take it all in now. I want to remember how it feels to be a new mom. I want to remember how it feels to hear my children say "Mommy" for the first time. I want to remember it all, because these are the best days of my life...so far anyway :)